Ever felt suffocate of being a teenager, i know i do because growing up isn't that easy especially
when you're a girl. all we ever want is that the shortest path toward happiness,and while you're at it you mostly will get into some trouble and painful memory's,but at the same time you have good moment and i remember having fun in the
older day or spending the time with the one i love but i at that moment also found out about love.i change because of love i change my kid
image towards love i grew up loving not just my family but instead i felt in love with a man. i also want to feel that excitement of spending the rest of my life with the person who will love me and be with me for the rest of my life. watching other people growing,actually they grew up but they still have the same attitude, because of love they also change their personality and all.i always look at my parents and wonder,did they ever had the same life story as i do on their teenage years? did they have their first love and how hard did they went through to build a happy family and how faith brought them together. and
sometime before i go to sleep i would ask god if i ever get the chance to find a guy who's worth
it.who doesn't think of sexuality stuff only,i just need a man who stand loyally beside me for the
rest of my life who can bring happiness toward his family,i need a man who have the attitude of a great husband and i wouldn't mind spending my life with him and we could also have a couple of kids.people these day think,love is not enough they want the extreme love,means they want to be love forever.they want to remain special
towards people just a person is enough too. so i had my first love when i was in the age of 13 years old, his name was mark i felt in love with him but that wasn't faith my relationship with him end just like that,for years i tried forgetting
about him every time i see his face it remind me when we were together and all and it makes me sick how i actually cried every night knowing the only person you knew before stop loving you and you also lost a very special friend.i stop looking
for love but as a teenager i get bored easily,so i played the social network matchmaker as in 'wechat'.i found a guy who had the worst personality but it was also my fault for falling in
love with him,well we never even met yet but i was being two timed by him he lied to me about
being single and i was stupidly cheated, in the end i heard my friend knew this guy i as if he was doing well or not but instead i found out an
interesting fact about this guy i was dating ,she said that he and his girlfriend had a fight and he
release his tension by cheating with another girl and i said god,why did i have to be this person bait why would i be in this situation where i have to cry again and again i am a girl,i have a weak emotion i cannot handle rudeness and lies.i was
such a good girl why would i be given a test like this. and because of that i change,i became so bad i hated being week i wanted revenge i kept this hateful feeling inside me i never spoke my true feeling towards the guy i was dating and i cheated so much i tell lies,i drink until i was
drunk i talk shit and i never want to understand his feeling because i knew all guys are like that
they only want one thing,sex. and by that i end up being single again for 3 years i was single i hated myself felt like i want to commit suicide
but i there's something in my head that keeps whispering to me,telling me i still have hope so i carried on loving but this time i knew what to do i change again this time i wasn't that bad i wanted to be faithful now i don't want to cheat no more. so eventually i was with my girl
hanging out talking about boys and stuff i was jealous of my friend who had a relationship with their boyfriend for 5 years already. but my friend was so understanding they wanted to make me happy so they introduced me to this guy name
Darren he was okay,his nice and have this innocent face we were having our great relationship he once went to my school,he said
that he had problems to solve so i said ok sure whatever that is.i cannot believe that i my self
found out with my own eyes he was also cheating on me i had a fight and guess what,i gave him a second chance but that chance were
never meant anything to him he cheated on me more,he ignored me for weeks and month and told me he was busy with work well sure i
understand until i found out he was having this relationship status of facebook and having another account that says i am single i was
like,so out of hopes and i was starting to get tired of this relationship i just vanished from him
i ignored him i start unfriending him on social network and all but still we remain together i didn't even say i wanted to broke up or anything
i just ignored him.then a another guy appeared he was a troublemaker kind of guy he's childish looking he once start a war on our social network group on whatsapp. and i was the one who talked with him to keep calm and he took a liking
towards me he ask me if i was single and i said i was but the truth was i am still with Darren but
our relationship is like nothing anymore.this troublemaker guy was a Chinese his name was wong he tried to flirt with me but at first i didn't have the mood to accept but he didn't gave up he kept on trying until i accept him and it was in
the 31/1 the date of our anniversary and i met him for the first time at a beach in my country. we spent the rest of our day together but his
friend was like talking back at me saying this and that and he complain about my looks that i
was looking perfect on my picture but in real life i was a fake they say,i just kept silent but in my heart there's flame thinking that are they
mirroring there self before judging other but he didn't mind how i look instead he sees through
me he was such a troublemaker at first but now he changed.what ever thing that people say bad
about me he would ether kill that person or talk them out.and i love that part about him .i was falling deeply in love with him but i was waken by a whisper in my head to be careful this time,for 5 months we've been together but still i
don't trust him,not everyday i get to see him and i had so much in my mind im so scared that he would do the same as the other, im scared
having a distance relationship.i dont want to be abandon i don't want to loose him like the other i just wan to be loyal and im tired of looking for
a guy who is loyal enough i would say i was luck having him but i dont know who he is yet in the back of me i dont know his personality his real one.because we rarely met because of distance and timing.i cried sometime praying that he
wouldn't become just another man i used to know,every time i go to bed or i go to church i would pray to god that may our relationship be
kept longer till death,i believe in him.i was hoping that he wouldn't get bored of me,all we could
ever do now is call each other through telephone and miss each other sometime saying i love you
before going to bed and sing until i fall asleep that was sweet enough and i know that he is doing fine,but then months past by he sometime
don't call me and i was worried where could he be is he doing ok and all i was so worried that
he might be with his ex or something. because every time he call me there would always be a
story about girls and all liking him and all and how he met many babes out there who look good then me,who in the world wouldn't get
irritated with that about your man who talk about another woman beside you i would surely get
jealous the hell!so i just replied him to just treat them back but don't get to much,well yes i know my men i understand and i give them space i
give them freedom i don't have the power to control them they are humans too.but he misunderstood telling me that i was treating him
rudely telling me i was treating him like a doll and asking me to change asking me to not be acting like a child but actually i did it for him
well maybe he doesn't know how i feel through the phone he can only hear sounds and my voice.but in side this heart i wanted him to
notice my feeling through the phone i wanted to show him but im wasn't brave enough and what came out was all wrong which makes it even
worst so every time he call i would sometime kept quiet because i was afraid,i dont know how to express my self,because he talk as if its
nonstop id have no chance to talk thou but if i just ask he would stop for a minute and listen but eventually start talking again and it feels like he is fighting me back.so i kept quiet when he talks about girls i would just say what i had to say like "owh ok" and stuff but i didn't know that it was hurting him that badly.i realized that he was the only one who is making a move and i
don't .i was just searching for the right time to say all this stuff but hey,what can i say im not like other girls.were different in every way, some time he would call me and make me worried but still he said to me that don't be worried.like how
the hell was i suppose to remain unworried when he is making that painful sound through the phone and all i could do is tell him to take care
of himself,tell her mummy if the pain is worsen, see the doctor,have his meal and take his medicine. but that wasn't what i wanted if i could
drove the car i would go to his house and take care of him i don't even care if its night or day i would risk my life for the one who i love and to
see them smiling again,i mean who wouldn't want his/her partner to be in pain. sometime he would trick me so that he could met me i understand he missed me i also missed him like crazy way crazier then he knew.we made a promise that in 5 year from now he would marry me i was like ow my god! i do! but i didn't tell him just like that thou i told him to think about the amount he'll have to spent just to get married.he said he'd promise to work hard,i believe in him i just do but i came prepaid if he ever weren't the one.its the 12 of jun and we
had another fight every time we had a fight it would always be me who he blame and i just accept the fact that it was all my fault,i knew he
was struggling too i know he feel stressed out with work and studies at the same time and were both will have the biggest exam,were just 17 and i know that he is is the most stress out because he is a man he carries his own shoulders he
works for his family and he like to help others he was the one who i've been searching for this whole year a man like that how could a woman
who he used to date leave him? i love this man and i don't care what other says about him we have our own story a tragedy in life and how you find faith.god had given me the world i wanted and i have to take care of it be loyal to just one
and to believe that it would all be okay.my only words in love is that be loyal even if it hurts but
be thankful there's people who accept you and loved you and know that they had change because of you and most of all is that when i
see him smiling id be in a better world like heaven. but what i want to expect from him is that he would be loyal towards me because i don't want to loose another soldier who's gonna protect me when his gone who's gonna love me when his gone. Even thou we sometime fight i would go searching for another man i would just keep it in and let it fade away. a fight is a fight but that doesn't mean we will loose each other if we understand and accept the fact each other.if were meant to be together faith will always bring
us back together again.this is how i grew up becoming a woman. Today-1
